Snow Comes to London

Queen Takes Train

The Queen has indulged in a bit of economy when travelling to to Norfolk for her annual Christmas holiday at Sandringham. Like a mere mortal, she's jumped on board the train. There's something odd about the whole thing, a true clash in the juxtaposition, like seeing her shopping at Poundland. Still, she got to go first class, and no doubt she got a whole carriage (maybe even whole train) to herself. It might even have been cleaned for her too - no empty coffee cups under the chairs for Her Maj!

She doesn't look that happy about it. Maybe they've just announced that she'll have to change to a rail replacement bus service at Diss? (so true isn't it Norfolk travellers!).

Figueroa Wondergoal!

A little quick one here. Wigan's Figueroa makes a pre-Christmas claim to the Goal of the Season award. A fantastic shot, accompanied by a not so sublime sexist comment by Match of the Day's Alan Hansen. Someone should remind Hansen who Gabby Logan is married to! Surely the Scot is no match for a international class rugby player.

Ryan Giggs, the award ceremony and the amazing beard

Last night Ryan Giggs won the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year award. Side-stepping the obvious reservations about whether Giggs truly deserved the award on the basis of pure sporting achievement over the last 12 months (some sympathy must be extended to those nominees who'd actually won world title's and set world records during the past year), it was a fitting recognition of a player who has not only had a stunning career, and who at 36 can still turn out top quality performances for a title-winning side, but also someone who is genuinely liked and admired for his personal qualities as well as professional abilities.

As Giggs rose from his seat to accept the award I couldn't help but be amazed by the gentleman with the extraordinary beard sitting to his left. By his reaction and subsequent embracing the gent was clearly a member of the Gigg's family, but he certainly made for an incongruous sight, more reminiscent of Grandpa from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang than a family member of a modern footballer. He was my hero of the night.

The Joy

The Embrace

The Beard

A Pretty Place to Blow Your Nose

Recently I have become a devotee of the handkerchief. I was given a box by my late Grandmother during my teens, presumably because firstly, I was beginning that passage to adulthood, and hankies are a proper thing for a proper man, and secondly, it's the sort of thing a Grandmother would give you isn't it?

Needless to say as an image conscious teen there was no way I was going to produce a handkerchief from my pocket in the middle of the school playground, gosh, how old-fashioned, how grandfatherly, I'm not a pensioner! This is the (by then ingrained and unconscious) line I took on handkerchiefs right up until my sudden, unexpected conversion.

So, what changed? I don't honestly know. One day it occurred to me that I'd been habitually putting two fresh paper tissues into my trouser pocket every morning before I left for work, and I'd come to realise that there was a considerable flaw with them, namely their propensity to become wet, mushy and well, disgusting. One morning I picked up one of the long-untouched squares of fabric from my sock drawer, slipped it into my pocket and that was that, hankies are now part of my everyday life.

Every so often I purchase up another pack of handkerchiefs and I now have a small range in different colours, patterns and shades. This leads me on to what is undoubtedly one of the greatest pleasures of the hankie - the ability to match or contrast one with your shirt or outfit. This is a wonderful little charm, something that appeals to a man with a sartorial pursuasion. It's also endearingly self-indulgent. Hankies are so small and they're hidden away, not shown off. Yes, they come out for a sneeze but essentially the only person who will appreciate the colour co-ordination will be the person who's pocket it is in. An indulgent pleasure indeed.

I do wonder whether the handkerchief is at all a popular item for the modern young man or whether I am cutting a lonely path through a world shared only with the old and middle-aged. With interesting design such as the hand-printed handkerchiefs of Thornback & Peel, pictured above, I can only assume that there are other like-minded people out there.

Movember Man

My brother dedicated his November to the cultivation of a very dashing piece of facial topiary, all in aid of Movember and The Prostate Cancer Charity.

He braved public transport and important business meetings for a whole month looking like a Seventies sex-king.

I got a photo of him just as he prepared to shave it off on December 1st.

Music What I Been Listenin' To

I seem to be a fairly erratic purchaser of music, often buying 3 or 4 records at once before not dipping into my pockets for sometimes two months or more. Mentioning 'buying' music, it might be worth doubling back over what a few years ago might have been a innocuous statement but now is not such a certainty, even for those devoted to music. Yes, I still buy albums, solid, physical albums.

Despite the advent of downloading (legal and ill-) and the more recent arrival of Spotify (a programme I have been using for most of this year and which I love wholeheartedly) and the myriad predictions of the death of the album format I still refuse to relinquish. I'm aware that I could save myself a large wodge of cash buy simply never buying anything again, but the collector inside me desires to have the little plastic cases stored neatly on a shelf in front of me. I like having the artwork, the case, the physical signifier that I own this piece of art. I'm aware that this is seen as bemusing to anyone over the age of 40, including my father, who has never loved the CD sleeve, seeing no merit in the scaled-down, poor-relation to the vinyl sleeve. But hey, I was raised with the CD, this is what I know.

Anyway, on to what I intended to write about before I was characteristically sidetracked - what I have been buying, and listening to, recently.

First up The Beatles. I have always been disinterested in the Fab Four a mixture of over-familiarity with their most famous material, which without trying is so easy to achieve due to their omni-presence in media and culture alongside the fact that with not growing up with any of their records in our home. I did listen to my brother's copy of the '1' album in my teenage years a couple of times but again, because I already knew the tracks I found it hard to get into (I like having to get to know songs on an album, and as a rule of thumb the albums I know least of when I buy tend to work out as my favourites). I just was never interested.

However, for no discernible reason last week I decided to give The Beatles a go. I decided that the only real way to do it was to start at the beginning and work through their 12 studio albums in chronological fashion. So this week I have been listening to 'Please Please Me' and 'With The Beatles' which I have enjoyed immensely. I should also say that an added incentive to buy The Beatles catalogue is that all the band's records have just been remastered and re-released in three-fold glossy card cases. They look and sound wonderful.

This last week I have also been listening to:

Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More

Kings of Convenience - Riot on an Empty Street

The Fall - This Nation's Saving Grace

Little Richard - Here's Little Richard

and, a lovely mixtape made by a lovely someone!

Umbro's New 'Football Wardrobe' Range

Umbro's rehabilitation from manufacturers of dull football gear for a handfull of achingly average sides (plus England) to purveyors of interesting and innovative design is advancing steadily.

Building on the success of their 'Tailored by Umbro' range (see England and Manchester City's new shirts) they now bring us a new selection of training / leisurewear, branded as the 'Football Wardrobe' range. The collection is typified by simple design, bright colours and the re-introduction of the classic Umbro lower-case logo not seen since the early mid-nineties. The range is supposedly out this month, though no appearance on Umbro's (achingly hip / manifestly pretentious) website's online store yet.

Personally I have my keen eye on the drill top (shown in blue, top centre, above) as an alternative to either the England light grey or Man City branded drill tops which I swooned over earlier this autumn and then decided not to buy. The royal blue looks rather dashing but even better I think would be the drill top in the yellow.

GreyScale

'Gridiron', Wembley

For the third year in a row the NFL brought an american football game to the UK. This year the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were at 'home' to the New England Patriots, and for the second consecutive season I attended with my brother and father, a long-time NFL-fan.

In terms of sporting contest the game was a one-sided washout, the far superior Patriots stamping their claim to the game within the first quarter whilst the Buccs faffed around making tragi-comic attempts to pass (and receive) the ball.

I made a bit of an effort to capture a few shots with my camera, nothing brilliant but I was reasonably pleased with a few of my resultant images, including the following:

I think they capture the energy reasonably well. I also noticed something Bruegel-esque in some of them, the sense of a discordant mass of bodies crowding the scene, often seemingly ignorant of others, moving independently and travelling in (apparently) different directions.

Question Time

There has been large-scale debate over the last week or two about the British National Party (BNP) leader Nick Griffin appearance on the BBC's flagship political panel show Question Time this evening. The BBC claim that as a legal party with elected councillors and MEPs they have the same right to appear as any other fringe party such as the Greens or UKIP and that by appearing there will be the opportunity for them to be held to account for their opinions and policies. Critics retort that the BNP may be a legal party but by inviting them to appear on the show they are receiving a seal of approval to be treated as a legitimate political movement and giving them free publicity.

While I have sympathies with both perspectives I cannot help but wonder what these who vehemently oppose the BNP's televisual appearance are so afraid of. Far from legitimising the parties views I cannot conceive that the show will be anything other than an opportunity for all Griffin's fellow panelists and large sections of the audience to loudly denounce the BNP's political outlook. It will be much different to the appearances on the show of other fringe parties where a wide range of issues will be discussed and the guests asked to give their view. Tonight's show will surely be entirely about the BNP and what awfulness they stand for.

It is impossible to imagine that the BBC could, or would allow a show to be broadcast that reflected the BNP in a positive light. As a result the fear that the appearance could garner the BNP thousands of new supporters seems to be unfounded. Leaving aside that fact that it is unlikely that anyone who holds such extreme views about race and immigration would not be aware of the BNP's existence already anyway, the strong censure that Griffin will receive is unlikely to allow people who were not previously interested in the BNP to switch off at the end of the programme with the impression that the BNP are being endorsed to them. Far from giving the party legitimacy, the show will surely deminish their legitimacy by providing a strong and clear point-by-point rebuttal of their ideology. I expect nothing much short of a hatchet job.

We live in a democracy, and while I bitterly detest the BNP and their ideology, I believe that all political parties deserve the right to make their case. The people of this country are intelligent enough that we should not need to stifle the voices of those with extreme views. I am confident that the British electorate as still capable of listening to argument and coming to rational and informed decision. Politicians and critics alike should have more faith in the public to listen, and to reject the BNP.

Messin' About on the River

Last weekend myself and a bunch of my long-time friends hired a canal boat as a group celebration/commiseration at all turning 25. We charted the not-so notorious waters of the River Wey in Surrey and over four days traversed the stretch between Godalming and (almost) Weybridge. Despite pessimism induced by an overly-cautious advisory dvd sent out by the boat hire company and watched by us the week before (paraphrased sample quote: "[when using locks] be careful when using the lever keys to open and close lock gates, they can fly off and cause severe facial injuries") it turned out to be, once we'd got our heads around steering, a mostly painless trip - the only time someone ended up in the river was through their own will, rather than falling or being pushed.


It was a wonderful, really relaxing way to spend a few days with mates, mooring up to stop for a drinks at pubs or cruising down river with a can of beer in hand; sitting on the roof in late afternoon sunshine reading the sunday papers; and pulling together as a team to get the barge through the many locks without mishap or trying to turn all 70-odd foot of the thing around. I will only alude to Peter's attempts to crash into the riverbank and tree on purpose and the resultant half destroyed tiller. It was a bit cold (being October) but there was no rain. All in all probably one of the best weekends I have spent with these lads in a long while.

Absence

I haven't written for a while, for the simple reason that I haven't felt able to.

Four weeks ago a member of the football team I captain collapsed mid-game, and, despite everyone's best efforts sadly passed away shortly afterwards. The awfulness of the loss of a good man, aged just 26, while doing something as everyday as playing football has hit hard and touched me deeply. Yet while feeling the horror of what seems like a totally random, and terrifyingly uncontrollable tragedy, aspects of it seem so contradictorily distant. I was not present when the incident happened, nor did I know Michael in any meaningful way. He was a quiet guy introduced to the team through one of our existing players and only played in the team for a number of weeks. There is never much time for chat at football and our exchanges hadn't yet gone much beyond hellos and how are yous.

In light of this event I haven't felt comfortable writing. It has seemed all rather frivolous and unjustified. I have begun, or thought about restarting but nothing has been seen through. I do know that I need to restart though, and soon, to leave it much longer and there would be a danger that the ball could be dropped altogether. To write regularly and with commitment was something I pledged to myself when I started this blog. Despite my inactivity, one aspect of this period away is that it has allowed me to mull over something that has concerned me about this blog for a while.

I have been a little shy about being forward with this site - I haven't shouted about it's existence to my friends or courted an audience, even though I do hope it has some purpose and value to it and would like it to be read. Before I began writing I set out a number of guidelines for myself in order to shape what I wrote about and how, one of which was to not identify myself, or other people in my life. I didn't and don't want to write a teen-aged style blog of my worries and concerns but i have, for a while been wondering whether I should be finding a mid-way point and basing my posts more on my life, thoughts and activities. I confess that on occasion the blog has felt a bit purposeless, and personality-lite, especially all the YouTube, but even when I have attempted to be more weighty I haven't always been entirely happy with the output.

Perhaps I need to tinge my posts with a bit more personality and then maybe I will not only be happier with my output but I might also feel more comfortable sharing it with others.

Seeing things differently

I accidently discovered that my mobile phone's camera has a 'negative' mode, so I can take strange, slightly other-worldly pics while I am out and about. It strikes me as an usual addition to a camera, sitting alongside sepia and B&W. I've seen this finish as standard on photo software, but never on an actual camera before. Just snap and it's straight there. My phone is marketed as a business model, which only doubles the suprise.

It finds new interest from the most mundane of things, under my desk for example.

Maybe next time I go to a party i'll take all my snaps this way, could throw up some interesting results.

Today...

...I wore black patent leather shoes to work.

The Jerrytron

Dallas Cowboys' 'Jerrytron'

The new NFL season has begun and the Dallas Cowboys have a new, flashy $1.15bn stadium. The centrepiece of this new venue is the world's biggest high definition television screen. Measuring a staggering 160 ft in width and 72 ft in height, it's more than half the length of the pitch. Truely it's both amazing and ridiculous.

The screen being installed by crane

An Alternative Universe for Tuesday Afternoon

Today, an incredibly wet and gloomy Tuesday, I had a brief and powerful escapist fantasy. Triggered by listening to Arctic Monkey's on my Ipod and realising that Alex Turner is basically my age but with a tidy bank balance that frees him to do basically anything he wants in his life. This propelled me into an alternative universe where I wasn't locked into a happy but prosaic life in London's ragid, glamour-less hinterland but free to jump up, do anything, go anywhere.


Instantly I knew what I would do, I'd duck out quietly and pop over to Berlin for an undetermined period to glide calmly through the the days and weeks. If I was lucky I might even convince my girl to share it with me. I'd rent a little flat on the upper floors of one those beautiful turn of the (last) century apartment blocks somewhere around Prenzlauerberg, the ones with the tiled entrance halls, wrought iron stair rails and high ceilings. The ones with a faded, but still graceful glamour and a sense of age, history and significance.

I'd cherish both the baking dry heat of July and the finger-freezing, lip numbing chill of the city's long, deep winter. I'd record the gradual changing of the seasons with my camera, stopping here and there to capture anything that caught my curiosity or delighted my eye.

I'd pick up a secondhand bike and serenely work my way around the city exploring it's nooks and crannies, stopping in little cafes for coffees, beers and a little reading. I'd leave my flat late at night and ride on over to bars to meet new friends and old native acquaintances on who I'd practice my faltering early attempts to master their grand tongue. We'd joke and drink and stay out late into the morning. When it was time to leave I would cycle home happy in the knowledge that once again I had nothing to do on the new day but to hop on the bike and make my way wherever I wished.

The Circle of Life

The Tories will win the next General Election in the UK. It probably won't take place till next May, yet I'm as confident with my prediction as Derren Brown and his lottery balls. Furthermore I fear they they will walk into office without really having to outline a solid alternative to another term of New Labour. There will of course be policies, but as we have seen from the first few years of David Cameron's leadership of the Conservative Party he favours general statements and aspirations.

This isn't Cameron's fault per se, he wants to be in government and knows how the system works. Strong opposition parties don't 'win' elections by and large, weak governments lose them. New Labour has (in popular opinion) become frail, weak and flaccid. Too used to the good life of power, they are blunt and directionless. After more than a decade in office they bear the inevitable wrinkles of error, scandal and simple misfortune that no party in office for such a time can entirely avoid, even with the best will. So, to continue the analogy one step further, come next year the electorate will bid the partner they have tired of a farewell and embrace a newer model.

The real problem is the failure of Britain's two-party political system. The Liberal Democrats try, but the system just does not create the space for 2 separate opposition parties. As a result, once a government starts to unravel and get sucked into the cycle of crisis after crisis on the downward spiral the opposition only has to wait around for them to be kicked out. Sooner or later it will happen, because regardless of an opposition's virtues or otherwise the voter wanting rid of unpopular legislators has only one option - to vote for the 'other lot'.

This government-by-default is essentially negative and undermines democracy because there is less scrutiny of the opposition / next government's policies. If there was another strong and equally plausible party in opposition then both would have to campaign vigorously to win the hearts of the electorate. This would bring with it the need to properly flesh out their policies, and debate the other's proposals.

Parties shouldn't be elected because voters no longer want the incumbent government, they should be elected because the public feel that they offer the best policies and ideas to improve their futures.

I'll just have to keep on voting Lib Dem.

Coveting again: Tailored by Umbro Drill Tops

Oh dear, I'm at it again. A day after posting about football shirts I am back posting about another piece of sportswear I fancy getting my hands on.

Below is the England drill top I spotted the substitutes wearing while warming the bench during the World Cup qualifier against Croatia. Lovely. I have found that they also produce a variation on the design for Manchester City. I could happily wear either.

The new England drill top

The Manchester City drill top

Check it out in action - oh yeah!

When Books Were Mostly Pictures

This week all my colleagues seem to be getting new nieces and nephews and so this lead to conversation about childhood generally, and of course the perennial favourite - children's literature.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar seems to have been especially popular, although I have no particular memory of it - either it didn't leave much of an impression with me or I never had the pleasure. What did make a mark with me were:

Letterland ABC
Essentially a learning tool for the alphabet, this book created a memorable character for each individual letter. The character and letter were then merged into a visual representation (well illustrated by the front cover, left) and given a short accompanying tale to hammer the lesson home. As well as this a-z compendium there were spin off volumes for individual characters.




Tom and Pippo
Following the adventures of a small boy (Tom) and his toy Monkey (Pippo). I can't remember too much about the actual stories but I do remember my brother and I being faintly mesmerised by the quality of the name Pippo. I think it was one of the first words that my brother liked to say. Pippo, Pippo, Pippo...





Spot
A great little book, combining wonderful illustration and lots of flaps to lift and open. It's time for dinner and Spot's mum can't find him.

England Goalkeeper Shirt

I don't know how it's happened but somehow I have managed to write this blog for 4 or 5 months without posting about one of my geekier interests, football shirts. I have been meaning to redress this for sometime and no time seemed better than today, after England secured their place at next summer's World Cup in South Africa thanks to a 5-1 victory over Croatia.

England have generally had so-so kits in the last decade, nothing too awful comes to mind, but certainly nothing has yet compelled me to ever go out and purchase one. The new home and goalkeeper shirts have changed this with their sharp, elegant and simple design which embrace the best of the past while avoiding the trap of being too self-consciously 'retro'. They are in marked contrast to the previous few home shirts which have laboured under the 'need' to lob a load of red trim onto them, often in less than subtle approximations of the St. George's cross.

The change in direction from the kit manufacturer Umbro may or may not demonstrate the influence of Nike's aesthetic following the American giant's purchase of Umbro last year. What is certain is that there has been a clear upswing in the quality of Umbro's designs for it's roster of teams such as West Ham, Sunderland and Manchester City since the beginning of the 2008-09 football season. Not only are they renegades from the prevailing (surely cost-driven) ethos of the big manufacturers such as Nike, Puma and Adidas to hand out virtually identical template designs to as many of their teams as possible; the quality of the individual designs are also of great quality.

Of the new shirts it is the goalkeepers that attracts me the most. Usually keeper kits aren't much to write home about, and fans don't buy or wear them unless they they want to wear them to actually play football in, so what is different about the 09-11 iteration? Firstly, the deep forest green is simple and traditional. It conveys strength and a certain masculine dignity. Secondly the fit. Umbro have made much fuss over their supposed 'tailored style' for the new England kits, and while it is largely marketing gloss, the new shirts are cut well and come in a greater number of sizes (chest 34, 36, 38 etc as opposed to just S, M, L). Coupled with the new cotton-based fabric which is thicker and less shiny than usual shirts the feel of the shirts are much more like that of a normal t-shirt - i.e. even though a keeper shirt it feels like something that I could actually wear as part of a regular outfit.

Hitting the Deck

What with Eduardo and Wayne Rooney, diving has been a big topic in football this week. Argue all you will about the aforementioned incidents, this one is as clear as day:

Trainer Greed

This is a pair of Nike Dunks I designed using Nike's ID service. I only brought a (off the shelf) pair a couple of months back and there is no way I can really justify having two pairs at once, but, I'm seriously considering investing in the above.

Marketing, Shmarketing

Marketing. Companies want to make their products sound exciting, glamourous and desireable. Entirely understandable. Sometimes however, marketeers try a little bit harder then they really need to, only serving to make their product seem slightly ridiculous.

For example, the other day I recieved my brand new (first ever) smart phone. Nothing could sell the phone to me more than the fact that IT'S A SMARTPHONE. However, Nokia's people didn't agree and thought that I might need a little extra encouragement to be excited, in the form of these words:

"do you make an appointment or an opportunity?...
...Do you open emails or open minds?...
...do you surf the web or look for inspiration?"

The answers? appointments, emails, web.

The Fiery Furnaces 'I'm Going Away'

A while back I used this blog to indicate my excitement at the imminent release of a new Fiery Furnaces' record. Well the album was out this week and I'm delighted to say it's a real peach.

The Fiery Furnaces - Charmaine Champagne from Thrill Jockey Records on Vimeo.

Critics have been generous in their praise and the general consensus is that I'm Going Away in many respects owes more than a nod to their debut release Gallowsbird's Bark, certainly in terms of it's accessibility.

While the new album is sweet, sleek, tuneful pop in comparison to the more angular bluesy sound of Gallowsbird's it shares that record's 3 minute, more emotive, more traditionally structured style. While shorter, more structured tracks were something they were clearly returning to with the last two records (Bitter Tea, Widow City) after their deviations with Blueberry Boat and Rehearsing my Choir it is with this record that the idea is again fully realised.

I'm Going Away is a much more immediate record, and this is largely down to the fact that the Friedberger's gift for insanely catchy pop hooks is allowed to take centre stage, almost entirely unobsured by the extra layers of discordant noise, errant notes and snyth effects which while adding greatly to the Furnaces' records are something that often makes their albums challenging first listens, if ultimately hugely rewarding. I'm Going Away is the record to use when first introducing somebody to the band, or to win over your sceptical mates.

A different talent

Kseniya Simonova, winner of Ukraine's version of 'Britain's got Talent' doesn't sing crap covers of Mariah Carey tracks or perform dull break dance routines. Her act goes rather deeper emotionally and artistically. Indeed, she reduced judges and audience members to tears.

Her talent is to tell stories by manipulating sand with her hands. In something akin to stop-motion drawing objects appear, morph and fade as her hands cross the board. The non-stop speed which she goes about creating the scenes of her tales and the way a series of seemingly arbitrary and careless flicks of the hand can suddenly turn into something as definite as a group of trudging, miserable humans is truely beautiful.

It was the cat! Honest!

We've all heard the cliche about the dog eating the homework but a Florida resident has found a new twist on the classic tale for police probing child-pornography offenses.

Keith Griffin told investigating police that the 1,000 offending images had been downloaded my his pet cat when he left the room. The cat was unable to give evidence in it's defence, but happily for the feline Griffin was charged. No word as the whether the cat will sue for defamation of character.

The WORST Penalty miss ever!

Aston Villa won the final of the pre-season Peace Cup last night on penalties against Juventus. Villa were aided greatly by what can only be discribed as a truely abysmal penalty attempt from Alessandro Del Piero. Penalties are largely regarded as a lottery and while embarrassing, no great shame is attached to missing - provided of course that the taker makes a reasonable attempt to score. Del Piero however, tries to do something clever but doesn't so much shoot as pass to the opposing goalkeeper.


He misses the rebound too...

Hertha Berlin Jacket

The new football season is fast approaching and brings with it a whole bunch of fresh kits and teamwear.

Nike have produced a range of two-tone zip up jackets for some of the biggest clubs that they sponsor, including Arsenal, Manchester United and Barcelona. This one for Hertha Berlin is my favourite of the bunch. I have to confess that I'm very tempted!

The Chemical Brothers - Star Guitar

It's years since this came out but I wanted to post it as it is the summer holiday season and this video reminds me intensely of teen-aged family holiday rail trips across nothern Italy to Milan and Brescia.

Beautiful/Ugly

This photo from the Guardian of the current spate of forest fires in the Mediterranean says so many things that I can't truely put into words.

Messin' with Ross Kemp's Face

Ross Kemp - bit of a fool. A man who has made a career for himself after Eastenders (actually kudos for that, most people don't manage it and disappear or come crawling back (see: Patsy Palmer, Daniella Westbrook et al)) by basically apeing the characteristics of his character Grant in the aforementioned televisual production. He expects us to believe that because he's bald and a bit chunky he's defacto 'tough' and not a well spoken actor type.

The blog 'Kemp Folds' has taken him to task and with just a few simple folds of paper totally subverted everything he stands for. It's simple, it's clever and most importantly it's funny.

Matt Le Tissier

I'm not sure anyone really understands why a player of such exceptional talent failed to have a more successful career. There are suggestions of a collapsed transfer to Tottenham and Le Tissier claimed to have turned down a move to AC Milan, one of the world's greatest teams in what at the time was probably the world's best league.

He retired after 16 years at perennial relegation battlers Southampton having won nothing and with just 8 England caps to his name. Whether he never left because he prefered to remain the big fish in the small pond or because of his genuine deep love for the club can be debated, however, his reputation as the scorer of spectacular goals is unquestionable.

Momentos

The past we never knew

A world we never even knew existed, frozen memories abandoned for us to discover later.

In Anticipation

Two weeks today and my summer will truly be at it's height. It's a moment I have been looking forward to for weeks and I intend to savour it, despite knowing full well that it will pass by far too speedily before I know it I will be deposited at it's tail end... back in the office. What else could I be talking about other than that great institution, the summer holiday.

This year things will be a little different to usual. I won't be going anywhere exotic, in fact I won't be going anywhere at all. That's because I am going to spend one glorious week at home relaxing and enjoying the things that I like to do best in my own company, things which unfortunately I usually do not have nearly enough time for. In part I suppose it is prompted by a nostolgic yearn for those long 3-month breaks I enjoyed as a student that I loved so dearly but sadly have had to leave behind in what is now the increasingly distant past. Basically, I am going to be a very, very idle man.

I suppose I could jet off to Bilbao or Ljubljana for a week of exploration and culture but frankly I'm looking forward to something a little simpler. There is nowhere I'd less like to be after the daily commute than a busy airport and work would probably be more relaxing than trying to ask directions to the nearest cash-machine in pigeon-Slavic. A rug in the garden, some beers, a few bottles of wine, a pile of books and a tower of DVDs will suit me just fine.

Lessons in life

If you like showing off to camera it's probably best not to ruin it with something so utterly, utterly stupid.

Cool Parkour Triple Wall Spin - Watch more Funny Videos

I have to look away at the moment of impact, but only with one eye, there's something wonderfully, cruelly delightful about it. Let's watch it just one more time...

Darius Vassell and Cristiano Ronaldo... in the same breath

I thought that the unveiling ceremony for Cristiano Ronaldo at Real Madrid was a little overblown what with 80,000 fans packed into the stadium, a catwalk and speeches. It looked more like LiveAid than the press conference and photos of a player holding up the shirt of his new club that usually suffice.

However, overblown is a relative term and having seen the welcome Darius Vassell (really) recieved when arriving at his new Turkish club perhaps I was mistaken.

Ronaldo positively loves the attention (watch him coyly soak up the crowd's chants) whereas Vassell look positively frightened. He's probably realised that he's got quite a lot to live up to once he gets out onto the pitch, or thousand of fans are going are going to be bitterly disappointed.

Self-improvement #1

If you've thinking about brushing up on your dancing skills before hitting the clubs this weekend then check this out...

What's this article about exactly?

The internet is a double-edged sword at the best of times. For journalists and writers there are now far more opportunities to have their work published and find an appreciative audience. While it must be rewarding to recieve positive feedback from readers the flip side is that sometimes journalists are faced with very direct, uncomplimentary thoughts on their 'abilities'.

Usually the odd negative comment amongst a field of positive or indifferent comments is par for the course and something I imagine most would be able to brush off without a second thought. Sometimes however, the response to an article is unequivically (and often hilariously) derogatory. Such is the case with this article proportedly about how to spot 'Dodgy' lodgers from the Guardian's Money section.

You have to be doing something wrong when more than one person states that they registered as a member of the website just so they could slate the article!

Here's a sample:

"...this is just incredibly bad. No coherence whatsoever - it starts as an anecdote, segues clumsily into what could charitably be described as decorating advice, or uncharitably as a tedious description of the contents of the author's home, descends into a morass of poor-little-rich-girl-me and some useless information, and ends abruptly with a homily of breathtaking banality in place of a conclusion."

"This must have been written during the current hot spell."

"The piece outlines the kind of middle class existence and chatter that would make suicide seem a noble alternative if I came to close to it."

It's savage and sadistically amusing - read, read, read.

The 'King' is dead

'The King' is dead, 'The 'King's' public image has risen, 'The King's' records will be re-issued again.

Michael Jackson was one of the 20th Century's true cultural icons, his untimely and tragic passing deserves to be mourned, and a week to the day the lurid details are still headline news. I have to say that I have never been truely comfortable with over-long, over-dramatic, over-sentimental outpourings of public grief (see Diana, Jade Goody etc.).

By and large, not only do they have a tinge of the ridiculous, they also has a significant whiff of insincerity. The commotion surrounding Jackson's death is no different. I find it hard to reconcile the love and respect that is proclaimed for the man when those same people pouring their hearts forth are also proposing to send his corpse on a tour or selling and publishing photos of his final living moments.

Jackson's live was wrecked by the excesses of those who said they loved him, those who used him as a route to riches. Sadly, even in death it looks like Jackson still has yet to find peace.

A practically perfect weekend